Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
