i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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