Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
