Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
