he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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