You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
