careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
