I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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