she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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