I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
