he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
