I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
