Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
