Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
