So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
