Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
