chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
