yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
