perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
