I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
