I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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