Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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