im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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