see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
