You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
