ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize