I think I just saw someone hide a body.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize