well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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