I think my vagina is haunted
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
