oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
