The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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