next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
