All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
