You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He felt like a one man threesome
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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