Plan B is the new Plan A
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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