thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
