the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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