dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
