Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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