awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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