Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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