Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
