I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I cannot find my penis.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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