I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
