hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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