pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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