Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
