you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
