I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
