Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
