You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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