I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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