Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
