smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
only you would photoshop your dick
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
