I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize