do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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