I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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