Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
