Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
