i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
worst night to have a conscience
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
