We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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