i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
