those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize