You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
