she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize