did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
