I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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