I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
