why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
