cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
