Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
a search helicopter?!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
