I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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