you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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